Red Lobster to end 'all-you-can-eat' menu in 2048

Sea World, Fla. -- Red Lobster officials announced today that it would stop its famed "all-you-can-eat" menu in 2048 due to what has been termed as "supply concerns."

"Our projections indicate that we won't be able to get enough of the high-quality seafood that our loyal customers have grown accustomed to over the years," a spokeswoman for the restaurant chain said. She denied that the menu change was a reaction to today's report in Science warning of a "global collapse" of fish species, calling the announced change a "weird coincidence."

The spokewoman added that although popular items such as all-you-can-eat shrimp are going on hiatus, the chain is excited to roll out new items for customers.

"We're going to add more international fare to our updated 2048 menu," the spokeswoman said. "This includes Alaskan Eskimo blubber cakes, Russian sturgeon sticks, Japanese penguin patties and seaweed scampi and California (sea) cucumber wraps."

When asked if seafood restaurants like Red Lobster were in any way responsible for the forecasted collapse in fish, she replied, "That's ridiculous. Look, Red Lobster serves more than fish. We have chicken and steak and you don't see any reports saying that the chicken population is going to collapse or the cow population is going downhill, do you?"

Officials at Long John Silver's said they had no plans to alter the chain's menu, citing low content of actual seafood in their products.